Mourning Breakfast a Time for the Grieving to Lean on Each Other

As they have since 2015, Silver Cross Hospital employees, volunteers and medical staff who are struggling with grief as the holidays approach once again will have the opportunity to share their pain over a continental breakfast. 

The Mourning Breakfast will be held from 7:30 to 9 a.m., Tuesday, Nov. 21, at Silver Cross Hospital in New Lenox. 

While those who have attended in the past have had stories unique to their experiences, there could be more of a common bond at this year’s breakfast: the sudden passing of former Silver Cross President and CEO Ruth Colby in October, said Barb Manning, Board Certified Chaplain at Silver Cross. 

“As I have seen patients on the different floors, I’ve also shared a lot of hugs and tears among the staff, especially in the days right after her passing,” said Manning, one of the hosts of the Mourning Breakfast. 

“It was a great loss. Everyone’s feeling it. Sometimes, I’ll try to get them – as well as the nurses and doctors – to tell their stories about Ruth.” 

That’s also what they’ll do for those who attend the Mourning Breakfast, said Mark Burnam, Technical Support Specialist who has been with Silver Cross for more than 38 years. He co-hosts the program with Manning. 

“We may not be able to hear everyone’s story as a group, but each table can share their stories,” said Burnam. “We have everyone introduce themselves, have a bite to eat and talk.”

While sometimes painful to share, Burnam said talking it out can be cathartic. And he and Manning have seen attendees become friends after the program. 

“They’ll look in on each other to see how they’re doing,” he said. “They smile as they pass each other in the hallway. They know they’re not alone.” 

Sometimes, they may need continued help. Manning noted Silver Cross offers an Employee Assistance Program that includes counseling services. 

Getting Through the Holidays

Burnam said he culled some of the advice he shares at the Mourning Breakfast from hospice support he received after his first wife died of cancer 12 years ago on Dec. 21. Her funeral was held on Christmas Eve day. 

He and his late wife enjoyed performing music at Lincolnway Christian Church in New Lenox. As the holidays approached the following year, he struggled, even shying away from music for a time. 

Former Lincolnway Christian Church Pastor Jeff Robinson wondered whether others were struggling as well with grief during the holidays. So, the first Mourning Breakfast was held at the church in 2014. When he left the church, Burnam asked Manning if she would be interested in taking it over at Silver Cross. 

Manning lost her mother and father-in-law within eight days of each other in 2015. “I didn’t even get a chance to grieve my father-in-law,” she said, adding she thought the Mourning Breakfast for employees and staff at Silver Cross was a great idea.

Open to All Silver Cross Employees and Staff

The free program is open to Silver Cross employees and staff from the New Lenox campus, as well as all the satellite campuses. 

“It is a time where we can learn together, and lean on each other,” according to the flyer for the breakfast. 

Silver Cross also offers the Blue Christmas tree this year displayed in the chapel, where employees and visitors will be able to print the name of their loved one on a blue ornament and place it on the tree.  

“Every day, when I go to the chapel, I take the names of those loved ones with me in prayer,” Manning said. “Then after Christmas, those who placed an ornament on the tree are invited to take that ornament home with them to put on their tree at home.” 

Manning and Burnam also encourage those who know people who are grieving not to shy away from mentioning their loved one’s name. 

“All we want to do is talk about our loved ones,” Manning said. Burnam agreed. 

“We think about the loved ones we have lost 24/7,” he said. “It’s nice when someone shares that with us.”